I came across this sign in the men’s loo at my client’s office. I wonder which genius put this up.
Lils sent me an SMS, which went, “U’ve been tagged mwahaha.” Oh man… I sket. Palms sweating and hands shaking with trepidation, I clicked on dubyadubyadubya dot lils is hot dot com. Huh? A bag tag? Hahaha.
I carry a black Samsonite laptop backpack. It’s two years old but looks reasonably clean, apart from the bloodstains.
Lower Front Pocket
Loyalty card from Thomas & Guys, with Skanky Posh Spice on the front wearing a huge purple and black afro wig.
Packet of tissue.
Samsonite warranty booklet and repair manual.
Parking receipt dated 5.5.2006.
RM1.30 in coins.
Upper Front Pocket
One brand new box of name cards.
Behbelly spectacles case.
iPhone USB charger and earphones.
Imation 256MB pen drive. Yeah yeah. I bought it 6 years ago. And it still works.
My car keys.
80g Samsung external hard drive with USB cables.
RM1.40 in coins.
Angpow from my grandpa received in 2007. For good luck.
20 pound note.
IC and driver’s license.
One Utama One Card. Damn useful for parking purposes. Balance remaining – RM5.00
Various ATM cards.
Various credit cards.
Huanhuan, mascot for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.
Gardenia Twiggies wrapper from yesterday’s breakfast.
Bits of used tissue. Has some brown bits in it. Yuck.
Sony-Ericsson k550i. Wow! I forgot I put it there!
Some more bits of used tissue.
Some mail – an alumni letter from my university, love letters from my bank.
My firm’s lousy Lenovo T60 ThinkPad with crappy screen resolution and poor battery life.
A newly washed pair of socks.
That’s all folks!
Last weekend, I stumbled upon a real life ghost. Scared the living daylights out of me.
Luckily, I had my iPhone with me, so I managed to capture its image.
(Note: Please do not continue if you have a weak heart. I don’t want people suing me. Seriously, don’t.)
9 Inches tagged me. So, here goes…
- Superhero power I want: I want to be Pap Smurf, I mean Papa Smurf.
- Why?: We need more silliness, blue fellas and mushroom houses in this world. Plus, Papa Smurf gets to call dibs on Smurfette.
- Downside of this power: I am responsible for an entire village full of guys. And only one chick. Talk about a ticking time bomb.
- My superhero nickname: Who’s Your Daddy? Pappy.
- My motto: I am the smurf that smurfed Smurfette.
- Sworn enemy: Gargamel and his smelly cat, Azrael.
- Official vehicle: Papa Smurf does not have a driving license.
- Day job: Planting mushrooms, plucking mushrooms and eating Smurfet… err… I mean, mushrooms.
10 Things About Me That Might Freak You Out
- I have a huge rat in my living room. I talk to it.
- I can catch flies with just one hand.
- I am inclined to shoot first and ask questions later.
- I sing loudly to myself. In a tone deaf sort of way.
- I keep a smurf in my office. I torture it daily.
- I have a secret cache of ciku seeds. I keep them in a box and they remind me of cockroaches.
- When I am alone, I laugh. With no apparent reason. And no, it’s not those funny haha laughs.
- I swallow.
- I bounce on elevators. I have trapped myself once. There were five other people inside, and they all stared at me.
- I have not washed my car in a year.
P108: Shah Alam
If you vote for me, I will make wholesale changes to my constituency. So without further ado, here’s my promise to you, should I be elected.
- Declare Shah Alam’s independence from Malaysia.
- Appoint myself as Supreme Paramount Staedtler Ruler.
- Make Shah Alam a tax free haven, for humans only. Monkeys and hippopotamuses are taxed one peanut per month.
- To ease pollution and traffic congestion, I will destroy all tar roads, and replace them with rivers. Citizens will travel by boat. Highways will be sloped, to ensure that these boats will move faster, slow pokes who can’t handle the speed will drown.
- Declare a three day weekend, four days work week.
- Make beer a state subsidised, controlled item. RM5 per jug.
- Public gatherings do not require permits, but beer must be served.
- Declare war and launch preemptive strive against McDonald’s.
- Sign a free trade agreement with the sovereign nation of Klang. We needs them bakutehs!
- Announce that smurfs are a protected species.
That’s all folks.