The Adventures of Little Goldfish

Once upon a time, there lived a little goldfish in a quaint, quiet cottage. He lived quite far from his friends and was constantly lonely. However, he had a neighbour he got along with famously. Cool badger and little goldfish had great fun together – swapping jokes, sharing a ciggie or just watching chicks go by.

Sadly, cool badger moved out one day. He was getting married and had to leave the country. Little goldfish was heartbroken. Every single day, he peered out his window and looked longingly outside – wishing that cool badger or his friends would visit.

Sadly, they never did.

Early one morning, little goldfish was startled from his sleep by a series of loud noises coming from outside his cottage.

Burp. Burp. Burp. Poot. Poot. Pooot. Burp.

Little goldfish hurried outside to find out what was making that racket. And what he saw scared the living daylights out of him.

A huge black rat with numerous weeping sores on its back lumbered up the road. Burping and farting, dragging his belongings in a rusty shopping cart – laden with blow up dolls, Vaseline, hosieries of every shape and colour, a huge chunk of cheese and a thick voluminous tome entitled ‘Policies and Procedures for Every Fucking Thing Under The Sun’.

The huge rat headed straight for cool badger’s vacant home. Little goldfish cringed. The huge rat gave one nasty look to little goldfish and slammed the door.

The next few weeks became unbearable. The huge rat held loud and rambunctious parties with dubious company. The rat was lazy and messy, and thus, the trash from his parties were left scattered all over his front lawn. In later weeks, when the piles of rubbish smothered every inch of the rat’s garden, he chucked his litter into little goldfish’s lawn.

Each and every night, different scrawny hens (sometimes cocks) visited the rat. They left exactly two minutes after they had arrived, with huge piles of cash.

The putrid rat also constantly worked on his Burpanfart machine, and as a result, nasty rotten egg-like smells emanated from the rat’s house and wafted over to little goldfish’s cottage making it smell as unpleasant as a footballer’s underpants.

Months pass. And things are getting desperate. Little goldfish wants to move.

Really, really badly.  😦

(To be continued. Not so soon, though…)

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5 Responses

  1. ahahhahahaha…*ROFL*

    anttyk: Poor little goldfish is suffering, and you are laughing? :p

  2. alamak. this sounds bad.

    anttyk: It is. 😦

  3. Speechless… RAT sounds like someone i know

    anttyk: You do.

  4. aaah….i smell a rat

    anttyk: More than that. There’s that lovely garlic burp smell and that interestingly funky silent killer fart smell…

  5. aww …

    you should call an exterminator!

    anttyk: I err… I mean, little goldfish really wishes I could.

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