Shopping for Pants

I have not gone shopping for pants in quite a while. My pants are starting to fray and fall apart. I think they’re beginning to smell too. Small children start crying when they see me shuffling towards them. And the final straw was when a complete stranger tossed me a couple of coins the other day.

Enough is enough. I am going shopping.

A pair of black trousers catch my eye so I tell the shop assistant stalking me, “I’d like to try on these pants please. Size 32.”

“Are you sure, sir? I think they would be quite tight for you.”

I am deeply insulted by this insinuation, so I haughtily retort, “I have always worn 32.”

“Very good sir.”

I strut (trans: lansi) towards the changing room with the pants draped on my arms. I close the door and try putting on the new pants. Uuuurrrggghhh…

The clasps stubbornly refuse to meet.

??!??

Suck in ample tummy. I try putting on the pants again. Uuuuuuuurrrrgggghhhh. Still cannot.

I try sucking in my tummy again. Bigger breaths this time. Uuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegg… Face turning purple. Eeeeeeeeeuukkk…

Niamah. Tiu. Fuck it. I can’t do it. Pant, pant.

I open the door and meekly say to the shop assistant, “Can I try one size bigger?”

“No problem sir,” the shop assistant acquiesces, with the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. I have a feeling he will be bitching about me to his colleagues later, that bastard.

G2000 pants seem smaller these days. I’m going to write to them to complain about this.

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21 Responses

  1. TOO MUCH BKT and not enough soccer……..

    i also think that G2000 pants are getting smaller…

    anttyk: I’m glad you agree with me.

  2. not only G2000, Levi’s and Dockers too 😦

    anttyk: LOL.

  3. Guess u guys are getting fatter… ….Opsss… Let me rephrase…

    GUESS U GUYS ARE GETTING MEATTIER

    hahahahaha

    anttyk: Excuse me? Your tummy ain’t exactly small.

  4. real man hv tummies. 😛

    anttyk: :p

  5. My G2000 pants (purchased especially on the recommendations of Anttyk) are smaller in size then my other pants…and I like my particular one, it’s slightly stretchable…

    anttyk: “Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It’s for fun.” – Nacho.

  6. I saw a pic of sam allydarce (sp) just now. he’s lost loads of weight. no more tummy. unless it’s an old picture

    question: why do ppl bash liverpool in your blog? guilty by association ke?

    anttyk: I think so. Since most of my more vocal readers are scousers – Lils, sic, 9, spiller, Vinass, etc… Heh. Gua sayang sama all you lovable hubcap stealers.

  7. Oi! You guys are better of than me by a mile okay! Y’know how hard it is to find size 40 trousers/jeans/khakis/shorts/pants?

    😦

    anttyk: Size 40! LOL.

  8. Welcome to the world of fashion. Heh. Ladies have long been complaining about sizes getting smaller. L is the new M. And M is the new S. What? You need an XL? Sorry, our biggest size is an L.

    On another note – jeevs? Sanjeev from TOS?

    anttyk: Hmmm… Are people shrinking? And yes, jeevs is Sanjiv from TOS.

  9. LOL.. hahahaah……

    G2000 should be burnt down!!!

    anttyk: Shall I get the torches? Let’s go.

  10. Liverpudlians saw last night how LUCK is an important part of any football game.

    anttyk: Salah topic la uncle. :p

  11. Had to say it, if only just to wipe that smug “we should’ve won cos we played better” smile on their face.

    anttyk: Munkeybuttocks.

  12. new pants sux. old pants rock! they tend to grow with you.

    anttyk: My pants don’t seem to be growing at a rate that is consistent with the tummy’s rate of expansion.

  13. it’s all a blardy conspiracy, i tell you! (the pants thingy, not footie)

    anttyk: I think it’s both.

  14. i want to take sean shopping. i owe her a birthday present. 😉

    anttyk: She’s a simple Klang girl at heart. Take her to a good BKT place, and she’s content.

  15. *tahan laughter* …someone living in denial…

    anttyk: *catches ela and spanks her* *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank some more*

  16. Bugger, they don’t make pants like they used to. I’m actually a size 32 myself, but these days I only feel comfortable when I wear size 36.

    Niamah….

    anttyk: Heh heh heh.

  17. Me tummy small small now d…

    singapore got no good food to indulge with…

    not like in malaysia, every meals have the potential to add inches to the tummy

    anttyk: Where are you now? Kiasuland or still in Bolehland?

  18. i am in kiasuland at the moment. Tentatively i saw my booking back to bolehland next month for 3 weeks of assignment… maybe in KL.. hopefully… and definately not hoping for any JB jobs…

    anttyk: Okay set. We go for mum mum session.

  19. hahah vince is too lazy to even go gym..my sources said..how can his stomach be smaller?

    tai r ur plants pleated?

    anttyk: Why would I want to pleat my ‘plants’? I am sure my plants won’t appreciate the torture. Heh.

  20. Okay, I syok sendiri here…

    20 comments! Yay! First time ever.

  21. Come on ppl… though i don’t go gym.. but i play 3 typed of sports here… Table Tennis – Weekly at minimum 3 hours per session, Tennis – Weekly at minimum 3 hours per session and lastly… PsP finger exercise – daily 3 hours… so, do u think my tummy no smaller by now??

    anttyk: Show me the money.

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